Naughty Jester

Today is Monday, the day around here where we muse metaphysically on universal topics of weighty importance. So if you came expecting to read about the deeper meaning of auto-eroticism, I’m so sorry to disappoint. I’m not big on car-sex.

I did, however, recently purchase an Apple iTouch and have been pleasuring myself non-stop ever since. Several times a day I stroke those sleek lines and tease my Touch awake. I connect Big Dog (my iNickname for him) with the jack off my computer to give him juice and download the latest pics, apps and music off my iTuney software.

My iTouch has transformed my perception of the world like Viagra does that of a droopy octengenarian’s. Suddenly I’ve got all this explosive power in the palm of my hand. I feel like I could go for hours on end: hooking up on mobile Myspace, tweeting on Twitter and listening to Pandora.

Most importantly, I believe the iTouch has the potential to save the world!

Just think how different the world would be today if a young Hitler or Genghis Khan had been given an iTouch for their respective birthdays and lived out all of their fantasies of world domination on the popular app, “Pocket God.” In this addictive game, little Adolf or Gengy would have been able to play vindictive omnipotent Creator, squishing people like bugs. They could have ravaged the world virtually, rather than literally.

So I say invest. Give all the future dictators and blood thirsty killers of the world an iTouch or iPhone and let peace reign on Earth.

Oh yeah, and when and if they ever develop the iSex app, I’ll be the first to volunteer for user testing.

Do you own an iTouch or iPhone?
What is your favorite app?
How many times do you self-pleasure in any given week?