Naughty Jester

Besides their obvious phallic shapes, what do cucumbers, zucchinis, and itty-bitty chili peppers have in common? They are all natural, straight-laced, missionary style veggies.

The other morning we sauntered to the local farmers market. My good friend got delight-tipsy eating her weight in free samples of black brandy-wine tomatoes.

“Best damn tomato I’ve ever tasted in my life,” she hiccupped. She bought a couple of luscious pounds out of sheer herbaceous guilt.

Then we came upon a pluot. For those of you who don’t know, it is a cross between a plum and an apricot. Some kinky scientist dreamed up this fruit in his or her lab and went far beyond what is considered conventional agricultural practices as a means of heightening taste and pleasure.

Damn, what’s next? A cucumquat (cross between a cucumber and a kumquat) or a teet (hybrid tomato and beet) or possibly even a sweet nip (mixed sweet potato and turnip)?

I wonder sometimes about our relentless search for ever-enhanced pleasure. Does everything need to be sweeter, tastier, and juicier? At what point do we accept and feel fulfilled with the bounty nature affords us?

What’s your favorite phallic shaped vegetable?
Have you eaten a pluot?
What as-yet-unimagined fruit or vegetable do you want to eat?