Naughty Jester

Today let us muse metaphysically on human relationships.

Have you ever loved with a passion that drowns out all reason? Have you ever been so into a lover that you tune out the world and pick up only his or her signal? Has anyone ever told you to get a room due to groping displays of PDA?

Given I exhibit nerdish tendencies, according to my daughter, you might think that by PDA, I mean Personal Digital Assistant. You know, like the beloved iTouch I am forever fondling. Instead, I mean public displays of affection.

So I sat in the bleachers this past weekend at my daughter’s swim meet. Not twenty feet away a very young couple in matching valentine-red shirts, oblivious to the hundreds of us watching, clamored after each other like a pair of Russian gymnasts in heat. I reasoned it would take a crowbar and a liberal splash of KY jelly to pry them apart in their unbridled lust.

Behind closed doors I don’t care what the hell you do. You can dress up in a French maid’s outfit or tie each other to the bedposts for all I care. But out in the open, I want to see a modicum of decorum. No hankus pankus publicus in my house.

Unless, of course, I happen to be the one locked in the libidinous embrace.

So has anyone ever told you to get a room? Did you?